I’ve had some sort of gig or part to play in somebody else’s life since I was 2 years old. After that all I did was work, or be a part of something. Until I got burnt out a couple of years ago. I had to stop hustling for my worth. I never realized that’s what I had been doing. My therapist helped me understand that who I was, was not what I did. That devastated me because I was so used to doing, to feel important. I had value because I was solving problems for others or saying what others were afraid to or showing up to everything or doing what needed to be done. When I didn’t have the ability to put time and energy into doing, I had to sit with myself. I’m still sitting with myself, trying to figure out value, worthiness, life. It’s hard work. It’s the most challenging thing I’ve done because it’s not an object or a goal or another person. It’s me. It’s me vs me. It’s me vs my mental, emotional, spiritual self. Nobody can do that work for you. It’s a challenge everyday because it’s not a destination. There’s no amount of books read, yoga classes taken or conversations had will arrive me at peak worthiness or self mastery or love. It’s every day. The best thing I can do is commit to tackling whatever my journey looks like to the best of my ability. With a willingness to take myself to task while being honest and accountable. Remembering to be gentle with myself while striving to be my best self.
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