Updated: Mar 27
Aging has concerned me a lot these past few years. 29 came last week and I felt so many things. Grateful that 27-28 didn't bury me, though last year very well could have. Saturn's return has been kicking my ass. Overwhelmed, because it feels like these last nine years flew.
I remember being ten years-old and telling to my siblings, when I turn 30, I'll be old and being okay with that. Then I turned 25 and was like ain't nobody old out here. Life sped up and before I knew it, I'd been a college graduate for seven years already. I'm an aunt now... I've had to ask myself, am I that auntie at the cookout?
When you're a kid you feel like you'll always be young. You think your childhood will last forever and then it doesn't. I sometimes miss that invincible feeling. It's so interesting, I’ve defined myself by youth for so long and now I find myself renegotiating my identity. So many questions have come to mind. Am I still "the youth?" Do I still have time to do all of the things and to have all of the experiences? Or has my time passed? When does young adult end and middle-aged begin?
And that's what my new year has brought...lots of uncertainty, unfamiliarity, discomfort & vulnerability. It's been tough. Every day is an emotional roller coaster. I feel gutted most days. It’s funny, in the past I would have done everything possible not to deal with life the way that I am right now. But I'm managing somehow. Maybe that's the one thing I'll have to look forward to this year. Learning to navigate life, as it is, in each moment.